Losing Focus

Ever since returning from the Nancy Crow workshop, I have given myself the task of really focusing on creating and finishing new pieces. I have been doing very well at focusing and keeping to the task. But I have done it for several weeks now and am to the point where it is becoming laborious as opposed to creative work.

I am getting new ideas while I work, but those have to be pushed aside to hurry and complete what's already in front of me. Why hurry? Because I have also set myself a deadline as I am trying to get a portfolio ready to apply to the Master of Fine Arts program at Boise State University. (I have already sent in the application form and had letters of recommendation sent).

At this point, I feel as though I'm just rushing and producing crap (pardon the expression). They want a portfolio of a "current cohesive body of work". Which I did not feel I had, and still don't. It may be all moot anyway. Their areas are the usual traditional areas of drawing, painting, sculpture, photography and alternative media (I think here they are looking at things like video, etc.). Fiber is not listed, but you can draw and paint on fabric and make sculptures from it. Therefore, even at the start (no matter how much I try to spin it), my work doesn't even fit the categories at which they are looking.

I mentioned my intentions to Nancy at the workshop and she said it was very hard to get into a MFA program as a "fiber" artist. She wasn't trying to discourage me, but give me the reality of it (which I have already realized). Another strike against me is the length of time I have been away from school. It's been 17 years since I graduated from college. My BA degree is in drawing but that's not what I'm doing now.

Despite all these strikes against me, I still have to try. I am a very good student. I would be a professional student if someone paid me. I'm interested in lots of things and want to learn more. And I can work hard. But the catch-22 seems to be that before you can go to the masters program and learn more and get guidance, you already have to be somewhat established with your work and have some direction of where you are going. If I already had that, I probably wouldn't need to go back to school.

And I don't really need to go back to school. I want to. And I keep telling myself if I don't get accepted, then, oh well. I'll go on to plan B (which I haven't figured out yet). But in reality, it would really mean a lot to me if I was accepted. Therefore, I guess I should get back to work!